Cheers to New Year!

Imagine filling the skies with all these sparking lights. Its unbelievable!

Its brand new year! new hopes and dreams to start dealing with. I have a blast with our year end celebration party last night with all my highschool classmates gathering to watch this fireworks display in our town. It was fantastic. Drinking beers while enjoying the scene. How crazy was that. 2008 has beaten the hell out of me, but I guess i have survived it all. It was a difficult year. Loosing a number of my close friends from work. I felt how is it like to be broke. My brother being hospitalize. I fighting my way back to school. Breaking every promised I made to myself. Some memories and lesson i learned throught the year. It was a struggle to keep up. and im glad to be alive and a new chance to continue dreaming for 2009 .

( i wrote this post halfway between 2008-2009.)

Happy New Year!

Cool Off.

I went missing from my work for 2 straight days not wanting to go back anymore. The day after Christmas was quite depressing. For some reason I feel so vulnerable. My motto: "No Room For Weakness." has turned out to be a lie. I am weak. It came down on me, on how lonely I was. I wanted to be with a person so much but I just cant. I started to question myself if I even want to be here. Looking for reasons to put up a struggle when Im not gonna get anything in return. How pathetic.

In the morning of December 26 i woke at 2am, my eyes tired and hurting. I spent all my Christmas afternoon with my sister watching a marathon of this anime series called 'Death Note' which was quite witty. It was nice. I was about to start my usual routine morning brushing my teeth, preparing for my breakfast ( which was composed of our leftovers from our Noche Buena) and then out of nowhere I decided not to come to work. I first texted my Supervisor with a fake alibi. ( a terrible headache.) and called our office line for my official call off. I went to bed again. Woke up at 9am which felt so wonderful. I treated my family with a movie from the annual film fest. We went for Shake Rattle and Roll X which turned out to be disppointing. Nothing about the movie was close to be entertaining. It was entirely a boring movie. I was texting the whole time with this guy that I started dating last Christmas eve. He was on another nearby Mall shopping for groceries for New Year. I decided to meet him and went there not even bothering to finish the movie. It turned out to be fantastic. It was fun. I help him shop for his food. And he handed my his Christmas gift as well. He then treated me for some iced coffee and brownies which is so cute. And even holded hands inside the cab on our way home. He seems to be a nice, resposible guy. We have a lot of things in common. And we both enjoyed each other's company. I wanted him in a way but there are things, no matter how smoothly they go that we still find ourselves looking for something thats just not there. So I still couldnt say that's its finally love.

I visited a Perya in the afternoon of my 2nd day of absence from work. I got myself a new haircut and was still feeling a little depressed. I went by just to watch the crowd. Got myself some softdrinks and to smoke. I was thinking of playing the bingo game but then saw this color game crowded with male gamblers. They played with this dice with colors and if ever your color appeared they doubled the amount of money you bet. Im not big into gambling, but there was this cute guy that I noticed. We was playing and seems to be winning. I wanted to be around more unnoticed so I decided to play as well and bet. It was fun. I was not for the money but for the guy im eyeing at. He was really cute. Kinda my type so I hang around a little more. We smoke. He seemed so serious that he didnt even noticed me staring, one time I think he'l caught me looking so I pretended to be looking at the colors deciding where to bet.There are some instance that i would even forget what color I placed my bet since I was distracted. I won a hundred bucks. But I left it back. Its not that i have a lot of cash on my pocket to carry but i just dont want to use something out of gambing I only stated for the boys not the money. I went home forgetting the cute gambler. And as I was waiting for a jeep to bring me home, a thought suddenly came in to me; We should never be comfortable with our lives. The minute you feel confident on something it wont really take a split sec for you to lose it. Be happy, Im thankful that I got a job that pays well. I need it. We should never be complaining. Its ok to feel tired. Unhappy, uncontended, depressed, alone. We are just humans. We are designed to feel that way and still "We should never let ourselves make room for weakness."

Good Morning. I cant stop laughing when I first read this.

Christmas Day

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!

I'm at work today taking calls. But I dont care. Hey its Christmas! there are no excuses not to be happy today. Thou we got all kinds of crisis all over the place, we are still lucky to be celebrating this wonderful day with the people we love and cared for. I dont give a damn if im broke tomorrow. I got a text message from my special someone. A cute unexpected casual date last night, Christmas eve. Im sleep deprived, but i dont feel anything at all. Im totally full of energy and inspirations which will not go away today. Im glad, happy, inspired, inlove. I want to jump and scream out in joy. Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Dizz..

This is what I bought for myself this Christmas. : ) My first Ipod!

Ok. We only got 3 nights left before christmas. I may have gotten myself an Ipod but still im not excited. The expenses. Food. The agony of having to go to work on Christmas day. There is just too much. I went out with my bestfriend again last night. We first attended a Misa de Gallo at 8pm ( got that part filled on my bucket list ) We eat dinner somewhere on a grill in Riverbanks. It was nice. And Went to a bar for a couple of rounds of beer. We werent having fun so we decided to change bars when midnight and went to Borafire were we caught the last set of performance from the band playing. There were this cutie im eyeing at behind our table. ( apparently the guy was straight so i told myself to forget it.) We drank a couple of beers. smoke. more beers, that i became so drunk It felt like im practically half asleep while heading home. But it was great. Got drunk again. Its what I needed. The promising taste of beer was great. Hoping I could flush the loneliness out of my system.

Merry Christmas to everyone! Enjoy the season.

A Night in December.

I went out with my bestfriend last night to treat him for his birthday tomorrow. He skipped work just to drink with me. (a very good friend indeed). We have drank on a cozy bar called Bonfire Grill somewhere along Riverbanks which was really nice avoiding the crowd of Tiange shoppers nearby. The photo above was the view from our table. We were at the 2nd floor. Hell it was great! The wind was cold, the ambiance was relaxing, good music nice band. We even witnessed a 5mins fireworks display from a nearby mall. The booze was great. I didnt drank too much thou. 3 bottles of redhorse and 2 sanmig light strong ice. I was planning shop for my exchange gift the next day (which was today) I got a lot of stories to tell about this night. I just couldnt write them down since im in a hurry to leave. Another thing happened when i got back home semi-drunk and found Him log in. He was waiting for me. we chatted, shared jokes, laugh, exchanged smileys and I get to to see him on his webcam still in bed. I began to tease Him and then It happened, between 12:30-1:30am pass midnght (no further details will be given) , It was fantastic. I dont know how, It was like almost making love. It was very sweet and romantic. my first.

And now I cant fall inlove. Im never good at keeping long distance relationships. Neither he. But im starting to develop this uneasy feeling of loneliness, needing comfort. warmth, romance (duh) I want to fall inlove again and be loved. But what's holding me back.? fear.

Payday Rush

It's payday today. And i barely slept yesterday evening thinking about my salary that i'd be getting. I have so many things to buy, bills to pay and an amount to give to my parents and an extra cash to keep for christmas. It wasnt a good morning when I woke up at 3am and needed to go to work. its raining outside and i needed a nerve wrecking effort to force myself up. The jeepney ride was aweful. The jeep was crowed with people carrying bayongs headed to the market. Good thing I brought an umbrella, but my shoes was really wet, i still manage to stop on an atm machine (thou im already running late) to check if my salary has already been transfered to my account. I was practically speechless when i saw the amount. God gracious!! its more than what i expected. everything seems so sunny. It feels like openning a present on a christmas morning. I was happy and smilling still couldnt believe with the amount that i saw as I continue my way to work. The company wasnt that bad after all. Im satisfied with this payroll. I have recieve all the bonuses for this month. Im gonna buy myself a new shoes!
Work was fine. Thou the call volume was high I took calls joyfully. I even laugh with a customer. Everyone on the floor seemed to be full of energy. All happy and talking, greeting familiar faces as they pass by. The ambiance was really different. Everyone seems to be happy.


to be continued tomorrow...

December 02.

Happy Birthday!

Dear Unnamed,

.

. I can't believe its your birthday again. It seems only yesterday that we were just celebrating your 16th. And now, how old are you again? This is the 2nd year that I wasnt there to celebrate it with you, but i was not invited anyway. So i guess thats fine. We rarely talk everytime we meet. But I need to tell you, that i have always loved attending your birthdays. Its one of the those days that I really look forward every year and to be honest Im even more excited to celebrate your birthday than mine. Great food. Awesome inuman. And just sitting there beside you. Seeing you laugh, crack jokes, serve food, drink beer, share a stick of marlboro lights. It just felt like christmas eve. One of my happiest moments. We both have separate lives now. You have your own path and walking my own. The distance between us might have gotten to far that it wouldnt be anymore to go back but, who knows. The world is designed to be round.
Looking back from who we are 3 years ago, we have outgrown ourselves so much. We could almost be strangers to one another again. Maybe not. We could be thinking differently now, doing separate things, but we would still know where we both came from. We both knew who we are before, no matter how much the world change us. Nameless, you are a great person. You posseses so many things that i wish i have. Courage, Determination, Ambtion. You deserve all the happinest you can get. I wanna see you up there. Fulfilling the dreams of who you really wanna be, happy and contented of what you have. You have an incredible life and awesome friends. This might not be the year for us. But I will continue to be your friend and will always be that person you walk with that afternoon when we first met. And you, you will always be that brown-eyed-boy I have fallen inlove with. .
.

.

Happy Birthday!

Looking forward for my present.

I just answered a poll on a thread I visited this morning. The question was: "Can someone really find love in the internet?"

My answer was a big fat NO. I just dont believe its possible these days. There's too many pretenders, users, social climbers mixed with the genuine ones. Yes some people could have found it there, but finding love in a webpage? I know its a case-to-case basis. It could work for other people. But never for me. Being a member of a gay dating website for like 2-3 years now. It made no difference at all in boosting my boring mundane pathetic lovelife. Yes i did met, seen, chat, dated, slept with a few people Ive met on the web (hey! di po sila ganun kadami ha.) but love and compatibility was difficult to find. What we are discussing here is Love not hookups, getting laid and seb's. I was not losing hope. I just dont believe that I could find love in my computer screen. I was still moving on from that one-great-crash with my so called one-great-love. Browsing over thru these people's profile looking at good looking photos of men half naked, cute and handsome is just a recreational past time to kill boredom. I learned not to take everything seriously, but the person im looking isnt just there. he/she could be somewhere else. Maybe a neighbor, an officemate that i havent met yet. a future seatmate on a bus ride. or someone that a friend will introduce. but then, something odd just happened today. It was after lunch that I got a response from this person whom I have exchanged messages with that previous night. Those were not a lot, mostly hi's and hello's and email addresses, there were no dirty talks. just a couple of replies and we decided to take time to chat at ym. But there's something in our conversation that made me look forward for tomorrow. It isnt love at first chat. nah. something like a genuine friendship establish with a stranger. someone whom i have just talked within an hour and connected with..

this is how our conversation goes on ym...

* * * *

him: hi there..
him: g'afternoon there..
him: what's up with you bro?
him: u there?

buzz!!!

me: sorry. just finished lunch
me: ")
him: ano ulam mo?
me: fried bangus
him: sarap..
me: ska gulay
him: pahingi..
me: hehehe
me: san k?
him: ")
him: what do u men saan ako?
him: location?
me: yup po
me: caribbean
me: ahhh. ohh. wow!
me: di nga!
him: we have the same time it's just that ours is 12 hour backward
him: kulit...
him: oo naman…
him: b*** kita dyan eh..
me: uu nga.
me: heheh
him: “ )
me: share pics nman. gusto mkita carribean.
me: “ )
him: hindi pa ako nakakapag explore..
him: lagi dami pasyente..
me: business or pleasure.
me: ah. trabaho. nurse k?
him: don't worry, pag meron, padala ako sa iyo..
him: nope..
him: dosimetrist..
him: tnx. huh?
me: wow. bagong word. explain.
him: demanding..
him: pitikin ko kaya i**** mo?
me: di q po alam qng anu ung dosimetrist e
me: research q nlang..
me: sadista k b? heheh lol
him: i do treatment plans and dosage computatons for cancer patients undergoing radiation treatment..

me: ... (starstruck)
him: claro na po ba?
me: yup yup yup
me: galing mo nman.
him: what do u mean super astig?
me: super cool ng ginagawa mo. not everyone can do that.
him: when i left the phils, i think there were just the two us there..
him: ngayon, nag isa na lang sya..
him: hehehe..
me: tsk. sayang..
him: the other guy was trained in the US whilst me, in Europe..
me: kawawa nman xa. imagine pano n ung mga pinoy cancer patients
me: “ )
him: well, there are medical physicists who can do that also..
me: uu nga. pero iba k kz focus k sa field n un eh
me: un ung specialty mu e
him: ganun talaga ang buhay kapatid..
me: got that one.
him: uy, miss ko na buhay dyan sa atin alammo ba?
him: ano nga pala bago dyan?
me: i know. iba freedom pg sa sariling bansa k ngla2kad khit my holdaper feel at home p din.
him: korak..
him: dito anlalaki ng mga tao..
me: ganu k n b wla sa pinas?
him: takut achu..
me: sinabi mo p. my manager kmeng american sa office 4 time ung lake ng pwet ahiih
him: mas malalaki dito..
me: hehehe. kelan k umalis ng pinas?
him: kasi mga tao dito is dominated by east indians, latin americans and blacks..
him: 4 months ago..
me: di p nman pla ganun ktagal. nice nman sila ah. uhmm. ngrollback price ng gas date nsa 50+ ngaun 30 something nlang.. uwi k bilis!

him: kaya nga mas grabe homesick ko eh kasi bago pa lang..
me: tpos mukhang my blak p atang mg extend ng term si gloria s 2010.. ung panget n un..
me: you'l get use to it...
me: US territory p b carribean?
him: where i am located was an english/dutch territory
him: though ome of the caribbean islands were of american's
me: di n xa part ng US states?
him: though some..
him: nope..
me: ah. sarap jan. not everyone can have a chance to work thre. just appreciate what you have right now. anyway mka2balik k p din ng pinas.

him: oo nga e..
him: pero lungkot bro..
him: imiss home so much..
me: naku, wag ganun.. mgaabroad din kz aq next year.. bka mtakot din aq..
him: saan ka naman pupunta?
him: hwag ka na lang mag abroad..
him: iba pa rin pinas.
me: ill keep you company dont worry. ill keep you updated. basta if nahhome sick k. message k lng. plague nman aq nkonline 24hrs

him: parang indi ka naman lagi naka online eh.
him: “ )
me: mabagal kz umasenso d2. minsan kelangan nating mgsacrifice, qng aq lang auco tlga. and2 family, friends q pero kelangan e

me: hehehe. di kz aq prati ngyym. ska my inuman kme kgabe ng bestfriend q. hehehe
him: ikaw...
him: pero if i could only bring back time, i would rather stay there na lang..
me: kwento mo all about carribean. ang ganda kya jan. pangarap qng mkrating jan dati eh
him: punta ka na lang dito sa akin..
him: ")
him: hehehe..
me: hahaha. next time. ilang years k po b jan?
me: “ )
him: di ko alam eh.
him: depende sa akin din..
him: bagal mo naman mag reply..
him: busy?
me: wow. ang galing nman. after a year you can go back nman d2 ah. qng gusto mo tlga. pero i have a feeling your that going stay thre longer. mga 1st stage lng un mhomesick k. its normal. you'l be use to it after 6 months

him: sana nga bro.
me: sorry po. actually hnihintay kya kita
him: hehehe..
me: ano b feeling ng anjan?
him: you have the feeling..hmmm..madam auring, ikaw ba yan?
him: hehehe..
him: malungkot..
me: hehehe. come on. wla k sa pinas. your in a foreign country. everything around you is new to explore

him: back home, nasanay ako na kulang na lang may pupunas sa pwet ko..
me: hahaha
him: dito, lahat kailangang gawin ..
me: sabay spank b?
me: kelangan mo ng maid jan
him: pwede rin..
me: kso mhal
him: kaso mahirap magtiwala kung i kalahi eh..
me: ska naka2takot
me: yup
me: ndi sa pngddiscriminate but i wouldnt trust someone agad
me: gain friends.
him: yeah right..
me: mukha k nmang msaya ksama. mdali kng mkkhanap ng tropa jan
him: kaso ayoko pa ring friends ang mga local dito..
me: madame cgurong durugista jan. be careful ha.
me: but its still a nice place. give it a chance..
me: “ )
me: ndi k b matu2log? december 01 n pla jan ah
him: madami...kasi parang rendezvous from the latin americas and caribbean..
him: another 5mins..
him: na excite ako eh..may kausap ako..
me: kngina p kaya nghi2ntay. xenxa n ha.
me: basta pg kelangan mo kchat. just buzz.
me: hehehe.
him: i mean, i will stay another 5 mins ksi na excite ako na may makausap..
me: n gets q po un kngina. kw nman
me: gawin mo ng 10 pls.
him: okie..
me: ang lakas q agad sau.
him: gusto ko rin..
him: hehehe..
him: yoko kasi makulit eh..
me: o cge. unfair nman kz ngshare k n about urself aq nman
him: “ )
me: i work for a US telephone company. caller center agent (sigh)
him: uy..dami daw raket sa call center huh?
him: tama ba yun?
mes: anong nmang klase ng raket?
him: marami daw lalake?
him: hahahaha..
him: “ )
me: hahaha.
me: madameng cute. but i wouldnt waste my time.
him: mag call center agent n lang kaya ako?
him: hehehe
me: nope. anjan k n e. my reason si God qng bkit k nya dinala jan.
him: you know what? that is wht i am trying to figure out until now kung ano nga yung purpose ng pagpunta ko dio..

him: kasi, back home i didn't even consider of leaving the phils..and if ever, i wol like in europe..pero sa dami ng lugar sa mundo, dito ako napadpad..

me: kada2ting mo plang jan. xiempre di mo agad mla2man yan. its part of the thrill you need to stay. fight homesickness, adapt malay mo.. anjan pla soul mate mo.

me: see!! ndi xa chamba. my purpose k tlga jan. maybe being there will make you a whole lot better person. you'l see things n ndi mo nkita o nrealize sa pinas. be strong. npkswerte mo.

me: “ )
me: pwede n b aqng motivational speaker?
me: let me know po qng matu2log k n ha. ill understand nman e.
him: konting practice p...
him: hehehe..
him: pero, thanks talaga huh..
me: ganun. taas ng standard n2 ah.
him: kahit papano masaya ako at may makakakwentuhan na ako..
me: bkit ntgalan kng mgreply?
him: hehehe..
him: nakahiga kasi ako nagta type eh..
me: kwento k p.
him: ano pa?
me: sa ano itsura ng carib? madame bng hotel ska resort?
him: mga malalaking nota ng mga tao dito? yung mga pasyente ko pag nakikita ko?
him: shucks...nakaka praning..
him: oo naman..madami..
me: not interested jan. mas masarap p din pinoy. goodluck nman qng anong saket meron cla.
me: ano po b qualifications ng malaki ang nota? hmmm. ilang inches?
him: juice m kapatid...may naging pasyente pa ako halos umabot na sa tuhod..
him: kalukah..
me: come on.!
me: di po aq bata.
him: ?
me: bka nman ndi tao un
me: nang uuto k eh
me: ZZzzzzz
him: bro, i am serious..
him: i am telling you the truth..
him: really..
me: alryt
him: nun ngang makita ko eh parang gusto kong masuka..
me: eiiww
me: buti nlang bangus ulam q kngina ndi hotdog
me: eheh
him: hahaha..
him: pero totoo talaga..
me: have you already slept with somebody there?
him: i thought sa porno movie lng yun, pero it exist pala..
him: naah..
him: that's a big big no..
him: dalagang filipina po ako..
me: really? di nga.
me: hehehe
me: pano qng my mgapproach sau
me: tapos cute and type mo din. tingna q lng qng mkpgsabi k p ng big big no.
me: bka big big yeah!
him: actually marami na din..pinaka masugid is yug isang chinese-venezuelan..
him: pero ayaw pa rin..
me: whats holding you back?
me: having someone to love there will lessen the loneliness.
him: naah..
him: i have my son there..
him: behave ako dito..
me: ah..
me: r u married?
him: yup..and i have 6 year old son..
me: kchat mo b wife mo? if its ok to ask..
him: nope..
him: my sis in australia..
me: thanks for letting me in.
him: nope...thank you..
him: mwah..
him: “ )
me: oh come on. (while kinikilig. could this be real?)
him: meaning?
me: type kita, but ill rather keep you as a friend. i reallly like you as a person.
him: , i want to send you my pic para naman u'll have an idea how i look like..
me: thanks
him: pero promise me, jkeep it for urself kasi nga may sabit ako, ok?
him: nahiya naman kasi ako mukha ka namang mabait eh..
me: yes. ofcourse. thanks for the trust. di ko n din sana hi2ngin kz i understand. but seeing your face would be a different thing]

him: hayan o, may pic ka pa nga ako wala..
him: ayah...bagong gising nga lang..
me: uhmm
me: question
him: hope u don't mind.
me: yes
him: go ahead..
him: what's ur question?
me: why did you trust me with your pics? nkkflatter kz. knowing n complicated ung status mo.
him: kasi u didn't hesitate to put ur profie pic..
him: na guilty naman ako..
him: if i won't give you the equal trust..
me: hahaha. uu nga nu, pero lhat nman ng kchat q, mkita yan eh.
me: thank you. ill take care of you.
him: thanks a lot..

You have received 1 photo from ****.

me: hehehe. ang cute mo..

(he was on a bed in the photo smiling softly. he was handsome and has this adorable looking eyes. I was caught offguard. Damn his really cute. he's one of those yummy-young-daddy-type.)

him: hahaha..
me: … “ )
him: nawindang ako sa iyo..
me: no really. I don’t know what to say.
me: anyway. my ita2nong k b kngina?
him: thanks...
him: wala naman..
him: why?
me: uhmm. kla q my ta2nong k kngina e.. (come on! ask me if im single!)
me: nevermind nlang po.
me: i can go for ours of chating tanghaling tapat po d2, but if you would like to go to sleep i wouldnt mind really. you need to take a rest.

me: for hours po un ha
him: pasensya na sa pic..bagong gising..
him: lok closely..baka tulo laway pa..
me no its cute. ang gwapo mo kya. at ndi aq ako nambobola ha
him: look...
me: hehehe
me: as checked. negative po.
me: hehehe
him: baka naman maniwala ako...
me: hehehe. but you look sad.
him: oo nga eh..
me: your smiling but your eyes look sad.
me: on a second look parang ngang kaga2ling mo lng sa iyak e.
him: kasi if i can remeber, iyak ata ako nun hanggang makatuog ako..
me: now I understand. mahirap pla tlga..
him: i realized, patibayan ng loob ang pag a abroad..
me: kla q nung una naalala mo lng family and friends mo kya k nhhomesick tonight. yun pla everynight..

me: ano b mga usual ng ginawa mo jan?
him: o naman..
him: lalo na kung pag uwi mo tapos ala ka madadatnan sa bahay..
me: you can do it.
me: mahirap tlgang magisa. siguro qng aq ngaun ang nanjan. umiiyak n q sa harap ng webcam kausap mama at papa q

him: sinabi mo pa..
me: sbay sabing: mama di n tlga aq uulit. promise. auco n!
me: hehehe
me: ngite k nman. korni joke q e
him: ang ginagawa ko na nga lang, pinapa open ko yung cam sa bahay tapos pinapanood ko

yung anak ko habang nagpi prepare sa school and other stuff..

me: hehehe..
me: wow!!
me: ang sarap nun..
me: ok nman pla e. mkksama mo din cla.
him: kahit papano, nababawasan a rin lungkot ko dito..
him: at pag sasabihin ko sa anak ko: baby, daddy wants to kiss your armpits..tataas naman nya mga kamay nya sabay lapit sa cam..
me: lol. so cute..

him: nakakatuwa na rin kahit papano..
me: (he's name). try mong wag mxadong mlungkot. do things n makkpagpaligaya sau. feeling sad all the time wont help.
me: go out enjoy the place
him: oo nga eh..
him: hey , nice meeting you pare..
me: mas thankful aq nmeet kta.
him: need to sleep now. it's already a liitle past 2 am here..
me: yup.
ma: sleep tight po. goodnight. merry christmas.
him: buti nga, nag mesage ka sa guys4men eh..
him: how'd u find out nga pala account ko?
me: hehehe
me: ndaanan q lng po.
him: sa dinadami dami nun..
me: tpos icip q, mukhang cute to ah. message q nga.
him: hehehe..
him: salamat pare..
me: goodnight n.
me: tomorrow ulit
him: goodnight..
me: : )
him: thanks really..
me: me din. im glad i met you.
him: “ )
him: bye....mwah!
me: di aq mgllogout. you need log out n.
me: d2 lng aq.
me: “ )

* * * *

"I may never find love in any website. But I can always earn a good friend. Someone who could be there with us, tuck us to bed whenever were lonely."

thank you.

The Bucket List.

Im fully loaded for December. I was browsing from one blog after another this afternoon when i ran into a post from yanah (a fellow blogger) about her bucket list. Well a bucket list as explained by her: is a list of things you would like to get done or experience just before you die. This gave me an idea to do my own list of things i needed to achieve this month. Its gonna be a great motivator and reminder for the things needed to be done. I decided to post my own bucket list for December. Effective on the 1st which will be tomorrow. I need to atleast accoplish 75% percent of whats written in this list. Lets see whats gonna happen and find out how far will my ambition/determination take me.

1. Schedule my appointment with my Orthodontics for my braces. I never enjoyed meeting my dentist but there are things in life that we just need to suck.

2. Spoil urself with that Fossil watch that Ive been eyeing at since Sept. this is it. its now or never.

3. Convince my bestfriend for a nightout in Malate. Ive never been there. I need to experience it.

4. A complete full attendance this month at work. (this one seems to be the most difficult since its holiday, well see.)

5. Organize a Christmas party for my highschool classmate and might attend our allumni homecoming this Dec 30.

6. See 3rd-great-love this December. Please. I need to see him again. I miss him so bad. Ill give anything just for another conversation.

7. Experience simbang gabi this year.

8. Recover my Nokia 5310 phone being held hostage at a Nokia repair center in Alimall. ( hang in there baby. I gonna get you. promised.)

9. Complete a 10 non smoking day for the whole month in preparation for my quiting process from marlboro next year!

When I Grow Up.

fucking pussy.

Well my first main routine after waking up early in a rest day is opening my computer. Then I would open several webpages which includes my blog, friendster, g4m account and youtube for new videos update. It was just today that ive began to realize that once youtube has been uploaded the first video that I would search absentmindedly would be a Pussycat Dolls video. Ive been watching their videos over and over again for 4 straight days now that I suddenly memorize all thier dance routines and found myself trying to dance it out while waiting for a call to come in at work. I found myself embarass. Not because people might see but to myself acting like a fucking gay. Well i am gay and I dont have a problem with it. But I dont want to be those gays who screams every now and then making papansin thinking their beautiful ( well those are not my business. ) Then thing is im obsessed. I find them really sexy. Thier moves was cool and will surely bring a guy into an erection. Ive watch one concert on a dvd tape I borrowed from a friend. They were perfoming buttons in a crowd of sailors. Which is so hot! Imagine being able to dance and drop in the middle of gorgeous males. If they'd be girls that i would really envy for being a woman and having free vagina and boobs. its gonna be them. They just rock the male out of me.

4 things that im obsessed with..

Im dissapointed. The latest final fantasy game saga wont be released until early 2009 which was really frustrating. We fans have waited long enough already just to get our hands at this game. I know its worth the wait. But why make it longer? It was forecasted to be release on the market in December 2008 and now Square is taking it back?! well, ive contented myself with these screen shots coming from a magazine in japan.

awesome!

* * * * *

I love you

Just before I heard the "You'l always be my baby" song I already have a crush on him. He's just so cute. Specially his eyes. Ive watching all his video this afternoon, and I really find him hot. yum! Cant wait to see you David. When will you do you concert here?

* * * * *

The Castaways

I really enjoyed this season of Survivor. Its fantastic. I honestly thought its gonna be boring in the beginning since fang tribe sucks at winning challenges, and then all of a sudden they unwitted the rival tribe. (sad Charlie and Marcuz's possible love affair didnt make it far in the game). I love it everytime Charlie adores Marcuz for being so gorgeous, it just to gay. hahaha.. My best bet would be either Kenny and Sugar both smart and witty. They deserve to win it.

* * * * *

This is a lie. Warner wont be releasing the latest Harry Potter film until July 2009. A big disappointed. Im not a big fan of the movie I rather read the books but I want to see what will be the story be like on big screen. From the past 5 Harry Potter films, the movie are released every Nov. Every chapter of Rowling's book is published every July. Which is unusual. Warner sucks! HP rocks!

The Sore Losers

bye bye old man.

If you watched Survivor Gabon's episode friday last week. You'l know who got voted out. Which was Randy aka 'the-most-disgusting castway who ever played the game. Serves the bastard right. YOU LOSER!! I almost wanna throw the remote straight to his ugly dirty face everytime it flashes on the tv screen. He's a dirty old hag referred as "the trol" by other castaways. Who wouldnt like this guy? He is so undesirable, obnoxious. selfcentered and those insulting comments he said during those time when they were winning challenges, cocky huh. Dont you ever fucking think that just because you won today's its gonna be like that forever. The world is round. You disrespected other players. But hey, why waste my time and money and even my TV set when the other castaway have already gotten rid of him. I was laughing my throat out watching him got voted off and still use the fake idol thinking its gonna saved his sagging ass. Believing that he really have a chance to win Survivor. (Biggest joke ever!) I love-love-love it!! Cheers to Candy!! You are a genius. I really thought that you are a moron in the beginning of the season. Turns to be your the greatest player (After Jenna of Survivor Amazon ofcourse) I want you to win the million. Ive been following Survivor since Borneo. Im a die hard fan. The show should choose better players next season unlike this garbage they had. This is their 16th season and still going strong season by season. I love the show and the game. One of my greatest dream in life is be a contestant.

Up next today...

Corrine. You ugly liar, pathetic, hypo-psychotic biatche!! You have been riding your alliance for too long now. If it wasnt for them you wouldnt last a day in Gabon. YOu deserve to be with Randy. And now that theyre all gone ( ofcourse your next to go ) hahaha!!

Loser.

I promised myself that ill quit smoking. That was last week when I told myself I had it with this stupid cigarette. I was able to stay away from taking marlboro for 7 straight days, then decided to try just 1 stick last Saturday. For the sake of curiousty of what would it feel like smoking after not having it for a week. It taste differently. On Sunday I had 3 sticks with my bestfried ( I wouldnt let myself live 45mins longer than him). Yesterday I had 2. Hey I was stress out from work and school I needed it. Really. And today, I have 3. During my 2 breaks at work and 1 after work. Am I still quiting? Why...

repost:

fuck! fuck! E! visited my my blog and read this cheap ugly gramatically incorrect post! I am so embarass!! I never thought in a million years that he'd actually click on my blog and even drop a comment!!! Thank you E! thank you! thank you!

F!#$@&^/>!!!!

Its thank-God-its-friday. I manage to avoid an appointment with my bestfriend for a drink this afternoon. Its official. I havent have any single stick of Malboro lights day in one straight week. I have another week to go to prove to myself that i cant take smoking away. If ever im gonna die i want to die in dignity not just because a stupid lung cancer got me.

KabOom!!

Im gonna skip the malboro topic for now and have this blog dedicated to all those people who made my week a little miserable to you all people who deserves this mega-atomic-nuclear-missile-bomb my bestfriend has specially designed and built for my enemies. This will surely burn them straight to hell. Knocking their existent from this planet. A present for Teleperformance Accounting department and HR office. A 100 ton torpedo missile with super high-tech nuclear censor. (FUCK YOU for messing up with my salary. You guys will soon roth with you stupid company. )

ANd to the founder of that very hilarious thread in g4m.com Aluere or whatever your name was, YOU can lick the shit out of your every Fugly members ass. YOu PIG!! Your group is nothing but a herd of wild stinky pigs trying to get a status. Get a life and a more decent brain bitch!

Good Riddance!

please be well...

Its been 4 days, and i really miss my nokia xpressmusic phone. It wont power on last monday morning and i spent the rest of the day pushing the on button but it just wont come alive. Finally i convinced myself to bring it to a Nokia repair center in Ali Mall, Cubao. please be well. Its gonna be released tomorrow and i really cant wait to get it back. Its been really frustrating not to have my phone with me. Ive been actually checking my purse to check if it was there and remembering that its being fix. Im crossing my fingers that i wont be loosing all my contacts. Thou i was able to create a backup file on my PC two weeks before it broke.

Hilarious but True..

I was visiting my friends profile in friendster early this morning and found this hilarious collection of photo's posted on one of his album. Nice one Onald. thanks in advance for this pictures.

Buti kinorek nya.. buti nalang..

Anu daw?

Magandang promo toh... ( anu kaya ang buwa? )

...Flashbreak>>...

I finally got my PC fix after it crash on me 4 months ago and losing my internet connection. My last post here was like in July, imagine. It feels great to have everything put together again. There have been a tremendous amount of changes that happened. My Team got dissolve and we were distributed to different teams. Which sucks. But on a 2nd thought i did gained new friends. Im with my new team now. I got a lot of deadlines to meet. My university enrollment. a party to attend to. a person to see and a place to visit. So much things to do so little time. ill get my blog posted.

This photo was taken in Antipolo on my supervisor's bday last sept. The resort was good but the pool water was damn cold, i was actually shaking when this picture was taken. I glad i was able to hide it.



It always feels great to be back.

Hottest Daddy Celebs

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Since its father's day I decided to celebrate by listing down 4 hottest celebs in hollywood. THeyre hot and theyre no longer single which makes them so much sexier than bachelors.

OMG! Thats my Ultimate-Super-Duper Crush Daddy!! Mr. Ben Afflect. Looking cutier than ever. Hate YOU Jen's!

Im not into Brad, but I need to give him a credit for being such a wonderful Dad.

Mark Wahlberg is part of my Hot Daddy list.. How would it be like to have an Underwear model Dad?

Its Gavin Rossdale! Gwen Stepani's Hubby.. He's cute and sexy, and he's carrying a baby. Reminds me of my cute n yummy Daddy Neighbor. Nice pick Gwen. tsk.

5/XIII

Yeah. I know so what? I cant see anything special today. My Life havent changed a bit. Its still as dull as yesterday. But I manage to spice up things a little by throwing crumpled piece of paper on my crush desk. Until I realized its stupiid and stop before he freaks out. As of today I am still ignored. I wonder what's going on behind his head.

p.s

I really wanna go back to college and be a student again. Or atleast visit my University. I miss it so much. ill give you an update with that.

Jun twelb

Its Independence Day today! everything screems freedom! FREEDOM!! i said. I saw flags on my way home which reminded me; for my anniversary. Im officially one year old on my job. Seems like yesterday that saw myself walking straight ahead in Ortigas around 9:30 in the evening for my training. As a newbie in this callcenter industry. If there was. Come on, we are importing billions of dollars in revenue's for my country and paying a hell of taxes. Im 22. not so young not too old.. Opportunities are gonna come on my way, still Im happy with what I do today. Not everything could be great but atleast try to do good on it so you dont end up regreting things in the end..

THINGS HAPPENS for a reason. I really do believe that. And i am an idiot. I saw him. I mean them. With her girl. We run into each other on the MRT station on my home. Well, he greeted me. WHIch was really nice and well appreaciated but then, things has thiers bounderies. WE cant just ignored it.

Full. Metal. Jacket.

"I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid."

It was one lazy sunday afternoon that i couldnt sleep so i decided to watch anything on t.v. at first I was thinking of opening my playstation since I havent played with it in a long time or doing another DVD run of Sex in the City episodes. As I turned it on I hit channel 9 for C/S. And caught Bones. It was actually over and they previewed the next show. Which is the movie on the photo shown above. It was a war movie. I have a heart for these kinds of movie, since they involved male soldiers going to war. But not expecting anything special. I was wrong. It was a good movie after all. I have never watch anything like it since Forest Gump and Band of Brother's, but those were different. THeres something about this movie that i couldnt explain and I need to write about. THe plot was nicely done. It started off simple, with these recruites heads being shaved as they entered the army until scene after scene you get to know them. I didnt liked the characters at all theyre all ashholes. Yet I loved the movie in the sense that it made me hate it and love it in both ways. I also downloaded the soundtrack on Limewire. THose were good too. I deeply recommend this movie to everyone who thinks theyre living a life full of shit. ANd watch out for this line:

Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.

I was not actually prepared for that scene. Its worth to watch. Its an eye openner of some kind. It will make you think and realize things you normally dont care about.

Pugad Baboy rocks!

Ive been a fan since im eleven. This community of fat people are hilarious i love them.

June?

Dear Journal,

"...Who would have thought that May will pass just like that. It scaped my calendar without me even realizing those things i was not able to do. THose were actually a lot. But.. so what. its over. Things are just like the way they are. I have a lot of thought about my life this last few days. was it worth it? were i able to find happiness? how can i keep it? and were are those people that i used to be with. Time is not the only element in life that changes. also the people your with. At one point you'l eventually lose them."

A Thank You Note

I specially dedicate this part of my blog to two of my special friends at work. Vanessa and Richel, our friendship means a lot to me. You were there behind me when everyone around seems to hate me. I deeply appreciate all your kindness and those joyful memories we shared together.

I miss you guys!!

Antipolo 2008

It took me a month to have this thing posted on my blog. Damn i have never been that busy in my life. Seriously. I felt like im no longer myself anymore. Anyways. cheers to all my highschool classmates! you guys rocks!! and sucks at the same time. (just kidding) your the best people i know i could probably have. See yah next year.

It was a hot afternoon, all day ive been trying to contact my bestfriend who eventually didnt showed up. (lack of funds). Just 8 of us were present from my original highschool classmates. It was fun thou. The air was cold. THe pool was crowded. It was memorable summer night, just to see them again and reminisce back our past was a good escape point from the stress.

I love you guys.

I mean no harm. Im not into asshole. I just really find this joke funny thats all.

Cant wait for Final Fantasy 13!

I dont consider myself as a hardcore gamer. I play games but im a lousy player. I just finished Final Fantasy 12 last month. It was good, but they could have done better. The Summons are boring you dont get to use them a lot compared to FF X were Anima and Magus sister's rocks! Its been seven years now. ANd a new final fantasy line is scheduled to be released next year. Its rumored on Dec 09 according to some website I visited during research. THis one is expected to be a bomb, since square never fails. Its for PS3 by the way. I dont have that one yet. GOnna start saving. (Damn its expensive!)

Are They Pretty?

Pak u pacman. Ur disgusting!!

I hate boxing or any form of sports that involves violence.I hate those people who watch and supports it. Watching people break each others faces is not worth any entertainment. I was scandalized when i saw two women fought in UFC this kind of sports should be illegal. Its dangerous and unhealthy. Still this photo is hilarious. Take that pacman you sucks!! Go eat the peanuts out of Barera's shit.

TUesday Delights!

What can i say? You never knew what kind of suprises awaits you everyday you wake up. Ironically, I really dont want to woke up today. Yet i got no choice but to report to work. I left my Bed half an hour before my shift. I was suppose to be at work sitting and taking calls when i was still at the bathroom putting on my clothes. I came to work 1 and a half hour late. Everyone was busy. It was a rush hour tuesday over the phone since its monday in the US a lot of americans will be calling after their weeked for issues regarding thier phones and bills. yup. I guess its just another day in a callcenter floor.
Im so sick of it! Wish i could run and just go hope and forget everything about my job. And thats what I did when I saw my College buddy Tin2x who I happen to work

in the same company. We took calls sitting beside each other and decided
to leave the building (in the middle of our shift ) and drank San Mig Light outside. Drinking beer at 8 in morning. ill be expecting my IR tomorrow when I go back to work.

When went and decided to visit our University together after finishing our beer. It was a hot ride on the jeepney to Sta. Mesa while eating a P15 corn. I couldnt remember the last time I visited my former school. I was suprise to to find out how much a place could changed so much in just a year. A number of structures were added and many places have been renovated. The catwalk was even different now. But the crowd was still the same. Unfamiliar faces. I had this feeling like my former classmates were just there. Eating lunch somewhere or waiting for us in our classroom. We went to those places we usually hang out when we were still students and talk about our college days.

And then.. the unexpected happend. damn. this person always caught me off guard. all the time. I was standing there staring at our tambayan leaving a note to anyone who would find it.. and i heard the his voice calling my name. I look beside me and he was there. Walking toward me. We shook hands like what we always do everytime we run with each other. And told him that I was just dropping by. There are thousands of things in our past that we want to experience again. THings we secretly treasure and cherish more than anything else in our lives. Things that I learned. Things that haunts me. THings thats I wont be able to see and feel again..

Maudy Moody Monday

7:44 am Monday
For the first time in 10 months I began to realize how much i appreciate

the airconditioning system we have inside the building that i work for. Its really cold and i love it! The cold comfort i can get from the unforgiving heat outside.

After taking calls for 5 hours i recieved a noticed that i will be schedule for training for the remaining 3 hrs. I dont have to take anymore calls and must report to our training lab in Octagon. That was awesome and what a wonderfull monday blessing. Only thing is I needed to rush to walk 3 miles from Edsa Central to Ortigas. (since i was informed late) Thou im really not in the mood for a Morning walk, I got no choice at all. My budget are already low and i couldnt afford a taxi ride. So there I was walking in the crowd of morning people along Crossing sunlight on my head, smoking marlboro lights. Ive made it. And here i am. Sitting on my training chair. Typing this article. Here I will spent the rest of the hours reading modules, texting, reading blogs and updating my own blog.. (thats time well spent.)

The heat yesterday was unbelievable, I faced the computer for 1 and a half hrs and still couldnt think of anything to write. My parents were watching Pacquio's fight (duh). I never liked him. I was silently wishing that he gets beaten up by his mexican opponent. A lot of FIlipinos might hate me for that comment including my parents but he's so overated? dont you think?

after training I took some time taking photos outside our building.. heres what i got. : )
Anyways.. hope you like it.

Summer is officialy here. Imagine that.