Sadness

Its been a month since my resignation from my job. Alot of things happened that I just couldnt explain why. Four failed final job interviews and Im broke. Im almost there and then suddenly I didnt make it. On my previous post I talked about failures and why I shouldnt be afraid of it. This is anticipated. I thought I was ready for self disappointment but I was wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for this I should just have avoided this and eat the crap of my former job. I just dont know why this is happening to me. For a moment I now know how it feels like to be Sad. Scared. Cold and Alone. I lost friends, I dont know where to go or what to do with a low self esteem. Still I keep on reminding myself to be optimistic. Too much sadness, too much failure. I cant wait for the day that this is over. That I will be smiling again not worried about my future and I can tell myself I have survived this. Theres gotta be more to life than this.

Scared?

This is what's been going on inside my head for the last couple of days. After loosing my job, I honestly dont know where to pick myself up and start over. What if I failed again? Its painful. Specially when youve committed a lot in a single year. There are nights that Id woke up with thoughts asking myself where I went wrong. All these guilt, incompetence, hatred and self blaming wouldnt go away nor let me sleep. My mistake are haunting me and I want to punish myself, I wanna go away. Give up and end it as if I never existed at all. I know Ive caused pain for my parents I couldnt look them at the eye. I could tell theyre disappointed. Im a good for nothing person. worthless. Im a failure.


But wait..


oh yes i did fail.. but, does everything happens for a reason? We are all meant for something. Have I forgotten my happy thoughts? I understand how bad it could feel sometimes when everything is at its worst but that shouldnt stop me for starting a new life. Why not? When you lose everything all there is left is to move on. Accept it. Suck it up and go on. Life is great. Living is good! Ill live my life, make mistake and learn from it. I can get thru with all these, Ill prove it. So what. Im still young I have all the time in the world and Im gonna live my life no matter what!!

Cheers for a new start!!


suckass!!!

Lady Gaga

SHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tambay Daze

After a night of drinking Redhorse with my friends last Sunday.

Ive been friends with these people since Highschool. Ivan the guy next to me, ive known him since 2nd grade he's almost like a brother. The one in the middle is my bestfriend whom im not in good terms as of thi moment but we still manage to drink together, id give him some credit for that he became my bestfriend for a reason. 2nd to the last was the promil kid on our class he's reviewing to pass the bar. goodluck buddy! and the guy in yellow on the last was Paolo, I dont like him much back in highschool but we became good friends and is still hanging out with together till now. I really love these guys.

Midnight Train

some thoughts:

Its eight days after I resigned from work last June 29 09, sad at my first couple of days that I no longer have to go to work. If youve been doing something so constant for the last 2 years Its going to be a little difficult to cope with the sudden change specially on the hours that I used to sleep and wake. Ive been enjoying my stay at my house, no job Im online all day browsing websites and searching interesting videos on youtube to entertain me. I get to hang around with my Mom a lot more thou I know that she'd much prefer me working so I could add to my family's income. Ok. My resignation from my previous employer wont go to waste. I have learned my lessons and hope that I wont commit those mistake anymore. ok so much for this issue.

last night:

I had nothing much to last Wendnesday so I decided to contact a long lost friend from in college who live in Makati. I told him I was bored and asked if we could hangout together for a quick chat to catch up with each others lives. We agreed to meet at 8pm after dinner. Coming from San Mateo Rizal the ride was like more than an hour I took the MRT since I have this P100 stored value card that my Dad gave me which I dont get to use very often. I meet up with my friend around 9pm boy I was late but was glad that he needed to do some erands first while waiting for me and it was ok. We went to a Ministop store near his place were I bought some snack and a can of Redhorse beer to drink. We chatted for like 2 hrs just reminiscing the days after our last meeting some 3-4 years ago. It was nearly 11 when we parted and I took a jeep back to MRT Magellanes station were I waited for 20 minutes for the next train. I still dont feel like going home to I decided to call another friend who's shift is about to end in an hour. He agreed to meet me after work and I went to my office building in Edsa Central were I watched TV while I wait for him. After an hour my friend came to pick me up with his car we drove somewhere in pasig. It went fine and I went home around 5am.


.. and Here comes my midnight train topic:

So last night I was riding the train going to shaw blvd. And it felt like a dream. Way back in college I remember writing a short novel about this guy who got stuck on a train station at midnight alone then ran into this girl blah blah ( I never got to finish the story and I only remembered about it last night, ) the train ride was fantastic. It was half empty and was quitely running up in Edsa. Outside me was the view of dark streets, tall buildings from Ayala, buses and pedestrians.. and then it hit me. Its a big change, the train will now operate till midnight. Its a new era beginning. The City is changing. And its no longer like what it was 2-3 years ago. I wonder what its gonna be like for Manila in the future. More night life for us filipinos. Easier access to places that we want to hang out. Its exciting.

Private Message Part 1

Trouble with Wife

GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.

Bilbo22: What's up?

GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.

Bilbo22: Go for it.

GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.

GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.

Bilbo22: What the fuck?

GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.

Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.

GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.

Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.

GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.

GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.

Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.

GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.

GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.

GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.

Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?

GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.

Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?

GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.

GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.

GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!

Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.

In Memory of Mr. Jackson..

"Gone Too Soon"
by Michael Jackson

Like A Comet Blazing
'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And SparklyAnd Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon

Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle Built Upon

A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon
Like A Perfect Flower

That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight

Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like A Sunset Dying With The Rising Of The Moon

Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon

Random Thoughts in The Rain.

Imagine waking up 1am pass midnight to go to work. It was raining, wind was cold and I was lonely walking into the dark wet sidewalk. Holding an umbrella and a stick of Marlboro lights on my other hand. My only companion that night. I have so many memories in the rain. Things that haunts my thoughts until tonight.


I have always been a loner back in college. As I slowly reminsce, I go to school by myself and went home alone. I was kinda enjoying it anyway. I go anywhere I want. See places and never have to ask permission or wait for anyone. I have my own hobbies, likes, tastes and dislike. And I hated my classmates back then. And never really bonded with them until 4th year. But one of my most memorable scene in my life happened exactly 4yrs ago from today. It was the day that I met him. The incident that have changed everything about me since that day.
It was somewhere late in June. The semester has just started when I bumped into one freshman on a corridor while hurrying to my next class. I dont remember his face back then. All I remember was a young, cute brown eyed boy, carrying books with a pack of Marlboro on top. I never was not yet learning to smoke that time but the red pack of Marlboro Red on his hands has somehow suprised me. "What was this guy thinking? exploiting his lungs with this pack of tabacco. do he really thinks it's cool?" I thought.
Days passed and It became know to me that he's class was occupying the room beside our Steno Class. I would sometimes caught him smoking alone outside in the corridor while waiting for thier professor. Day after day I noticed him more till I found myself looking for him. And there he was. He never really noticed me then. I dont know if he was just so busy acting cool. But there are times that I would bump him intentionally for him to realize my existence but all of those were ignored. Well,. until another 4 months later that we were introduced to each other and got each other's name.


that chapter has already ended a long time ago. I cant say I have totally moved on since I still havent changed my number or deleted my friendster account hoping to hear another word from him. Its over ill always keep reminding myself but someone these bittersweet memories I could just not let go. Because these are the things that made me who I am today. For those decisions that I made. For all the experiences I gained. I may never go back. It's a known fact but maybe someday, something better will follow.

Its Coming..

We waited patiently for you Harry..


Its here next month and I definitely cant wait. The 6th HP movie. The chapter that reveals Voldemort's past. Dumbledore's death and a promise of a much darker story.

Paris and Doug Reinhardt Split.

These guys has been dating for 6 months and I had been following their affair religiously to see if its gonna end up with another Paris Hilton home video. Oh Im so like dying to see Doug's body naked banging Paris. hahah. Well it quite ended early and I was suprise. This is the first time that Paris had dated someone who I actually find attractive. When I first saw their photo together I was like, how dare you Paris! They look hot together. Alledgely Paris caught Doug flirting with another woman on a party they attended in Los Angeles. Well that ends for Doug. But who cares if he's no longer around Paris's arms. I know id be seeing him less from paparazzi photos but anyway im a little bit disappointed, no amateur paris & doug porn for me.

Paris and Doug making out. I so fucking envy you bitch.

heheh. OMG! they're very hot! look at Doug's body.

I could almost imagine him naked on top of my bed..

Another Nightout with Bes.

(Riverpark Marikina City)

I went out with my bestfriend again last night. It started when we planned to attend a mass together that evening. Were suppose to catch the 7pm mass, I arrived at the church at 7:30 he wasnt there yet. He was late as always. My bestfriend have not arrived earlier that me ever in each of our meeting eversince we started our friendship 7 years ago. I was very furious when he arrived 2 hrs later when he showed up with this smile forgive-me-please-since-im-your-bestfriend look. I was very disapointed that we were not able to catch the mass together. Right after our short conversation for his excuses we decided to get a drink somewhere in RiverPark, our usual hangout. We entered a different bar this time. It was the tallest bar in the place and the view was great but the ambience isnt. There was a band playing and the bar was half empty. There wasnt any single cute guys around to ogle. Which was my second disapointment that night. We saw my cousin by the way and he joined us for a quick drink and left with his boyfriend. We shared 8 bottles of 330ml red horse beer that night. We went to RiverBanks after and grab a quick meal on a fastfood chain. It was 1am, we dont feel like going home yet after eating so we decided to went in this videoke place on a 24 store. Were my bestfriend sang his heart out with all his favorite songs. I fell asleep for a while and when he woked me up it was already 3am. He just finished all 16 songs in a marathon. I was sorry that I fell asleep. But he doesnt seem to mind. He knows that I always has this huge tendency to fall asleep after a drink. We sat there for a moment and bought a mineral water for him to drink. We smoked and chatted till 4am before we decided to leave. It was a blast. I couldnt imagine being with someone doing this rather than my bestfriend. 7 years of friendship and counting and Im lucky to have him. So lucky that I had someone there who actually knows and understand me. That I dont have to explain myself anymore everytime I say or do something.. knowing myself I a difficult person to put up with. and my bestfriend manage to pull it up. heheh. thanks bes. : P

Gay Lingo

GAY LINGO 101

Have fun!!

PROPER NOUNS
Ace Sanchez - a top
Aglipay - ugly Pinay ( jowang pokpok na chaka ng mayaman na foreigner )
Ana, Anaconda - ahas, traidor
Anita Linda, Aida - A.I.D.S.
Ate Vangie - gamot pampatulog (Ativan Gang)
Ate Vi - atrebida
Backstreet Boys - cute guys sa likuran mo
Bayombong, Nueva Viscaya - masturbate
Bebang, Mayta - maid
Blusang Itim - mga bakla na gumanda nang maayusan sa parlor
Cathy Santillan, Kate Gomez, Cathy Mora, Cathy Dennis - makati, malibog
Chabelita - chubby
Chanda Romero - tummy (ang laki ng Chanda Romero nung pulis) / an old woman
Chiquito - maliit
Churchill - sosyal
Crayola Khomeni - iyak
Dakota Harrison P! laza - malaki birdie
Debbie Gibson - give
Duty Free - maliit ang nota
Ella Mae (Saeson), Ella Fitzgerald, Ella Luansing - state of feeling horny
Eva Kalaw - evak
Felix Bakat - bakat ang birdie (sa brief or pants)
Girlie Rodis - babae
Givenchy - give, pahingi
Halls - tsupa
Indiana Jones - hindi sumipot
Janjalani, Pocahontas - bakla na palaging late o indyanera
Jennilyn (Mercado) - cheap, chaka
Joana Paras - asawa
Julanis Morisette, Reyna Elena - umuulan
Julie Andrews - mahuli
Kelvinator, Kelvina - babaeng mataba, sinlaki ng refrigirator
Leticia Ramos Shahani - shabu
Lilet - bading na bagets
Lucita Soriano - loss na, sorry pa
Lucrecia Kasilag - baliw
Luz Clarita, Luz Clarita, Luz Valdez - talo, loss ang beauty
Maharlika, Mahalia Jackson - mahal
Manilyn Reynes - malibog
Miss Nigeria - negra
Murriah Carey, Morayta - mura
Nora Daza - magluto
Oprah Winfrey, O.P.M. - oh, promise me, pangako, utang
Phil Collins - Philcoa
Purita Kalaw Ledesma, Purita Kashiwara, Pureta Malaviga - poor, dukha
Rica Paralejo, Nina Ricci - mayaman
Rita Gomez - naiirita
Ruffa - laklak
Siete Pecados - tsismosa
Thunder Cats - gurang
Tom Jones, Tommy Lee Jones - gutom
Uranus - puwet
Washington D.C. - wala
X-Men - mga dating lalaki
Yayo Aguila - dyahe
Zsa Zsa Padilla - o siya, sige!

ADJECTIVES & ADVERBS
48 years - sobrang tagal
antibiotic - antipatika
balaj, valaj - balahura
bella - boba
bigalou - big
biway, chopopo, guash - gwapo
bongga, bonggakea - super to the max
borta - malaki katawan
boyband - lalaking sintaba ng baboy
buya - nakakahiya
chaka, chuckie, shonget, ma-kyonget, chapter, jupang-pang - ugly
cheapangga, chipipay - cheap, ka-cheapan
chipipay - cheap
chopopo - gwapo
conalei - baklush
daki - dako
dites - dito
doonek - doon
effem - halatang bakla
emena gushung - malanding semenarista
fayatollah kumenis - payat
ganda lang - for free
ganders - maganda
intonses - sira, wasak
jongoloids - bobo
jowa, jowabelles, jowabella - karelasyon, boyfriend o girlfriend
jutay, juts - maliit
kabog, loss - talo!
katagalugan - matagal
katol - mukhang katulong
kirara - pangit / maitim
klapeypey-klapeypey - pumalakpak
krang-krang - hungry (same as Tom Jones)
krung-krung - sira ulo, baliw
lulu, tungril, tetetet - lesbian
mahogany, mashumers, ugmas - mabaho
majubis - mataba / gusgusin
matod - magnanakaw
nakakalurky - nakaka-shock, nakaka-takot
neuro - napaisip bigla, mind-boggler
oblation - walang saplot
otoko - lalakeng lalaki
pamin, paminta, pamentos, pamenthol - discreet gay guy
pinkalou - pink
pranella - praning
quality control - maganda ang quality
sangkatuts - marami, isang katutak
shala - sosyal
shogal - matagal
shokot, bokot - takot
shonga, shongaers, planggana - tanga
shonga-shonga - tanga-tanga
shonget, makyonget - ugly
shontis - buntis
sudems - never
tamalis - tamad
urky - nakakaloka
warla - loka-loka, nawawala sa sarili, nababaliw
wasok - contraction ng "wasak pag pasok"
wiz, waz - wala!
wrangler, thunder(s), tanders, majonders – matanda

NOUNS, PRONOUNS AND PREPOSITIONS
adez, andabelz, adesa, anda, ka-andahan, andalucia - pera
akesh, akembang - ako
badet, dinga, dingalou - bading
berru - beer
borlog - tulog, power nap
bottomesa, bottones - a bottom
bufra - boyfriend
carrou, carosa - car
cheese - chismis
chimi, chimini, chimi-aa, chimini-aa - maid
constru - construction worker
daot - ahas, traitor
ditey, ditich, ditraks - dito
feelanga - crush
fiampey - singit, birdie, flower
garapata - vaklush na punggok na majubis
gardini - security guard
oishi - shabu
gulay, pechay, bilatch, tahong - babae
hada - oral gay sex
hammer - pakonyo effect sa mga prosti or callboy, "pokpok"
havana - mahabang mukha
hipon - maganda ang katawan pero panget
itich, itechlavu - ito
itich-me-how - birdie
jipamy - jeep
jowa, jowawis - lover, boy/girlfriend
jubelita - vaklita, batang bading
kat-kat - sosyal na tawag sa katulong
katol, chimay - katulong
kyota - bata
kyotatalet - sanggol
likil, mentos, future - lalaki
merlat, melat, bilat, mujer - babae
nota, notes - penis
pa-uring - a bottom
performance artist - mahilig mag-inarte
potato queen - chink for chinks
red alert - menstruation
rice queen - chink folks who go for white guys (?)
colbam, sholbam - callboy
shulupi - pulubi
shumod, shumodity - tams
suba, bugarou - cigarette
success story - babae/lalaki na mukhang katulong na may lover na foreigner na masalapi
katuray - baklang mukhang katulong na mataray
tayelz - tayo
variables - barya, coins
wigwam - wig

No Smoking

This is ironic. This is my fifth attempt to eliminate nicotine from my system since I officially began smoking 4 years ago. My last attempt was last December 08, I made it for 7 days. And now today. I just happen to realize that its not benifiting me anymore. No buds to smoke with. Nothing to enjoy anymore. So why the hell im still clinging on to this stupid stick. I could definitely find a better worth for my money. Smokers are losers. If there should be one good reason for me to stop is that is for myself. Im gonna change my life and ill start it with this. Lets see how strong a person I am, if i can resist temptation. Im quiting thats it. Im done. Goodbye marlboro lights.

Tamang Emo lang.

Esem

Patingin-tingin, di naman makabili
Patingin-tingin, di makapanood ng sine
Walang ibang pera, kundi pamasahe
Nakayanan ko lang, pambili ng dalalwang yosi

Pamoy-amoy, di naman makakain
Busog na sa tubig
Gutom nailipas din
Patuloy ang laboy
Walang iisipin
Kailangang magsaya, kailangang magpahangin

Nakakainip ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainis ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainip ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainis ang ganitong buhay
(repeat)

Gumagabi na
Ako'y uuwi na
Tapos na ang saya
Balik sa problema
At bukas ng umaga
Uulitin ko pa ba ang kahibangang ito
Sa tingin ko hindi na

Nakakainip ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainis ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainip ang ganitong buhay
Nakakainis ang ganitong buhay

Nakakabaliw ang ganitong buhay
Di nakakaaliw ang ganitong buhay
Nakakabaliw ang ganitong buhay
Di nakakaaliw ang ganitong buhay

No... no no no


* * *

Im in between a crossroad at this point of my life. I got so much big decision to make that will deffinitely change how I live my life in the future. I know what's the right path to take. Yet Its not gonna be really easy. When did I put myself in this such mess? One mistake can cause me my Job, my college diploma, my future. I could lose everything I have from this point and start back to zero. How did I became this person? Could I be any stronger to face everything? To stand up against myself and beat the odds? Ive been relying on luck all this time. With fate not taking its toll on me yet. And this next two weeks would be the outcome of my decisions. I would be recieving my verdict for all the actions I made in the past. Im not scared. I can take all the blows life will give me. I know it'l make me stronger and learn from all the mistakes I committed, thou I know its a lot. But I dont live in regrets. I have choosen it to be this way so be it. Bring it on!

My Pretty Ladies..

Im extra flexible.

Bang me on the wall..

I can blow your brains out..

the girlfriend you never have..

with a body to die for.

and im just outside your door..

What Did They Do To YOU???!!!

WHAT HAPPENED!!??

I was shock and horrified when I have accidentally stumbled into this Cassie's recent photos posted in yahoo.. my all time female crush now look like this.? What happened its been like a year that I didnt heard anything from her. I was not expecting to see her again with a look like this. She wasnt suppose to be the kind of girl who's gonna go with this outfit. Its so.. so freaky. Is she doing drugs? Did she got dumped by an asshole? what did she exactly do to herself to look like this. Cassie?

Honey, I honestly dont find it cool, it freak the hell out of me.

She was my ideal girlfriend back when I was in college. Id remember playing her videos on youtube and watch her dance. She was just to sexy and attractive back then that I told my seatmate id rape her when she visits the country.

baby this couldnt be you.. what did they too you??! FUCK!!!

If I were straight she would the first girl i'd bang.

sweet Cassie back in 2006 when her debut single "Me and U" was released. Look how cute she was. goodbye.

The Jerk

Dont we just love it to see really annoying people getting booted out in Survivor. I was so happy last night when the unexpected happened at tribal council. They voted out Tyson (the jerk) leaving Coach flabbergasted. hahaha!! Its like kicking them on the face when theyre just so over confident. Look at that. I wanna watch it all over and over again, seeing the suprise when Jeff read his name one after another. I know it was a game. But it doesnt include insulting other people. Clearly Sierra is a better person than you. YOU Asshole!!! Serves you right. I really wanted Sierra to win. She has definitely proven a lot. Hang in there.. Hope Coach made his next dumb move and get kicked out of the game too. Hope your next pyscho!!

* * *

the whole cast of Survivor Tocantins

* * *

Sierra Reed
Hot hot hot. just like Jenna from Survivor Amazon.
Aint she so pretty. Go Sierra!! Win Survivor!

When will I ever learn?

Thats What You Get
Paramore


No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa..
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

Pain, make your way to me. (to me)
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

this is what i get..

I have a new found hobby. Whenever I wanted to feel miserable all I do is open my love's friendster profile. Id peek at his photos album, to see his new pictures. staring at his cute irristible smile, the smile that melted me for years. Those eyes .. Its an overwhelming misery. Specially that he got somebody else now. Seeing them together with his new lover just break me into pieces. ANd to be honest I dont know where to start picking them up. I have told no one about this. But it hurts to see him so happy with someone else but me. Its hurts to realize how big a loser i was. It painful to know that after a year of being apart he's still the person that could hurt me the most. ohh... Life sucks when your alone. When you dont have anyone to share feelings with. Im an emotionally stupid guy. I need someone beside to watch over me. Well, anyway that was just a thought. I got carried away too much with my feelings. Everyone lose something very special once in thier lives. On my case I think its him. So what I gotta do is move on. Get get a life.

guess who i am... : P

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Ive never really watched the full movie yet. I was only able to see like half of it on a cable t.v. But i got a chance to read the book, later did I found out that the story was written by Annie Proulx and has been a featured short story at O. Henry short stories award. My favarite Uncle has once gave me a copy of this wonderful collection of short stories, and I enjoyed reading it on my youth. Until I let lend it to someone in college who never returned the book back.
Going back to brokeback mountain. I just love it.