Sadness

Its been a month since my resignation from my job. Alot of things happened that I just couldnt explain why. Four failed final job interviews and Im broke. Im almost there and then suddenly I didnt make it. On my previous post I talked about failures and why I shouldnt be afraid of it. This is anticipated. I thought I was ready for self disappointment but I was wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for this I should just have avoided this and eat the crap of my former job. I just dont know why this is happening to me. For a moment I now know how it feels like to be Sad. Scared. Cold and Alone. I lost friends, I dont know where to go or what to do with a low self esteem. Still I keep on reminding myself to be optimistic. Too much sadness, too much failure. I cant wait for the day that this is over. That I will be smiling again not worried about my future and I can tell myself I have survived this. Theres gotta be more to life than this.

Scared?

This is what's been going on inside my head for the last couple of days. After loosing my job, I honestly dont know where to pick myself up and start over. What if I failed again? Its painful. Specially when youve committed a lot in a single year. There are nights that Id woke up with thoughts asking myself where I went wrong. All these guilt, incompetence, hatred and self blaming wouldnt go away nor let me sleep. My mistake are haunting me and I want to punish myself, I wanna go away. Give up and end it as if I never existed at all. I know Ive caused pain for my parents I couldnt look them at the eye. I could tell theyre disappointed. Im a good for nothing person. worthless. Im a failure.


But wait..


oh yes i did fail.. but, does everything happens for a reason? We are all meant for something. Have I forgotten my happy thoughts? I understand how bad it could feel sometimes when everything is at its worst but that shouldnt stop me for starting a new life. Why not? When you lose everything all there is left is to move on. Accept it. Suck it up and go on. Life is great. Living is good! Ill live my life, make mistake and learn from it. I can get thru with all these, Ill prove it. So what. Im still young I have all the time in the world and Im gonna live my life no matter what!!

Cheers for a new start!!


suckass!!!

Lady Gaga

SHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tambay Daze

After a night of drinking Redhorse with my friends last Sunday.

Ive been friends with these people since Highschool. Ivan the guy next to me, ive known him since 2nd grade he's almost like a brother. The one in the middle is my bestfriend whom im not in good terms as of thi moment but we still manage to drink together, id give him some credit for that he became my bestfriend for a reason. 2nd to the last was the promil kid on our class he's reviewing to pass the bar. goodluck buddy! and the guy in yellow on the last was Paolo, I dont like him much back in highschool but we became good friends and is still hanging out with together till now. I really love these guys.

Midnight Train

some thoughts:

Its eight days after I resigned from work last June 29 09, sad at my first couple of days that I no longer have to go to work. If youve been doing something so constant for the last 2 years Its going to be a little difficult to cope with the sudden change specially on the hours that I used to sleep and wake. Ive been enjoying my stay at my house, no job Im online all day browsing websites and searching interesting videos on youtube to entertain me. I get to hang around with my Mom a lot more thou I know that she'd much prefer me working so I could add to my family's income. Ok. My resignation from my previous employer wont go to waste. I have learned my lessons and hope that I wont commit those mistake anymore. ok so much for this issue.

last night:

I had nothing much to last Wendnesday so I decided to contact a long lost friend from in college who live in Makati. I told him I was bored and asked if we could hangout together for a quick chat to catch up with each others lives. We agreed to meet at 8pm after dinner. Coming from San Mateo Rizal the ride was like more than an hour I took the MRT since I have this P100 stored value card that my Dad gave me which I dont get to use very often. I meet up with my friend around 9pm boy I was late but was glad that he needed to do some erands first while waiting for me and it was ok. We went to a Ministop store near his place were I bought some snack and a can of Redhorse beer to drink. We chatted for like 2 hrs just reminiscing the days after our last meeting some 3-4 years ago. It was nearly 11 when we parted and I took a jeep back to MRT Magellanes station were I waited for 20 minutes for the next train. I still dont feel like going home to I decided to call another friend who's shift is about to end in an hour. He agreed to meet me after work and I went to my office building in Edsa Central were I watched TV while I wait for him. After an hour my friend came to pick me up with his car we drove somewhere in pasig. It went fine and I went home around 5am.


.. and Here comes my midnight train topic:

So last night I was riding the train going to shaw blvd. And it felt like a dream. Way back in college I remember writing a short novel about this guy who got stuck on a train station at midnight alone then ran into this girl blah blah ( I never got to finish the story and I only remembered about it last night, ) the train ride was fantastic. It was half empty and was quitely running up in Edsa. Outside me was the view of dark streets, tall buildings from Ayala, buses and pedestrians.. and then it hit me. Its a big change, the train will now operate till midnight. Its a new era beginning. The City is changing. And its no longer like what it was 2-3 years ago. I wonder what its gonna be like for Manila in the future. More night life for us filipinos. Easier access to places that we want to hang out. Its exciting.

Private Message Part 1

Trouble with Wife

GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.

Bilbo22: What's up?

GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.

Bilbo22: Go for it.

GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.

GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.

Bilbo22: What the fuck?

GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.

Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.

GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.

Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.

GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.

GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.

Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.

GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.

GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.

GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.

Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?

GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.

Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?

GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.

GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.

GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!

Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.